Best Video Games By Console...

NES: Super Mario 3
My first console was a N64, so I don't have console experience before it save for friends' homes and cousins' homes, and I remember this game just blowing everything else away, ironically because it seemed to emulate novels or board games rather than movies with it's non-linear, chapter-by-chapter sections and levels. It was simply so vibrant, and whenever someone pulls out a Nintendo now Super Mario 3 is the first game we stick into the console, draw a blank screen, eject, blow into the circuit, plug back in and enjoy.

Runners up:
Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Arcade, Techmo Bowl, that first Zelda game I remember was pretty fun. The other games I know are well-regarded like Contra or Metroid I never played, so I can't include them. Also, whenever I hear the Double Dragon theme I pine for my childhood a little bit.

(Note: On Facebook, there's a tool called NES whereby you can play any Nintendo game, no charge).

Super Nintendo: I'll say Super Mario All-Stars
How does one choose? I just read that Super Mario World sold 20 million copies, but what's better than that game packed along with every other Mario game? It's a little like choosing a Greatest Hits album for a favorite, but there's no single cartridge more worthy of ownership for this console. That said, I remember playing a good amount of this console at friend's places, and there were so many classic works. Mega Man X was insane, a brilliant 2-D shooter. I remember loving the Aladdin game, and Street Fighter II was perfect (I was always Ryu). Donkey Kong Country was a game I always played in hotels, and Star Fox was perfect.

Sega Genesis: Toss-up between Echo the Dolphin and Sonic the Hedgehog II
It's hard, because I always liked Sega Genesis more than I liked Super Nintendo just to be a contrarian, so most of the games were interchangeable and fun for both. As for Sega’s own titles, I loved Sonic the Hedgehog. The first two, and then the badass Sonic and Knuckles that would hold another Sonic game on top were all very cool. One time, my old friend Mike Muir and I attempted the coveted Sonic 2 on Sonic and Knuckles on Game Genie, but in the end the codes were just too much to handle. One game that oft-forgotten was Echo, which is probably one of the five most inventive games in the history of the medium. The concept of a sonar-wielding, language-deprived mammal trying to save the sea is mind-blowing to conceive of. Also, thinking about it now it was probably the first "sandbox" game in the vein of Grand Theft Auto and all those. Echo could go back and fourth between places new and since visited; all this leading to a game no one was used to.
Runners-up: the rest of the Sonics, After Burner II, and the Mortal Combat games were enjoyable, games mentioned above with Super Nintendo.

Nintendo 64: Ah...I'll have to go with Zelda: The Ocarina of Time.
Goldeneye, Mario 64, I apologize, but Zelda was just a different animal. I loved the other games, but Zelda sucked me into a world I'd never seen in video games. As a young boy growing into maturity, I took to this game thinking it was some fantasy lark; rather, it was the most mature game I'd ever played, and probably still is. Playing this game where young Link moves between seven years which brought plague and terror to Hyrule, I couldn't fathom the direction of the story and the craft to took to make it. It was the first time where cutscenes mattered to me enough that I wouldn't bash "A" button until there was action again. About a year ago I downloaded an N64 Emulator (called Project 64), along with a bunch of games I remember enjoying (if you have Torrent software you can download it here: http://isohunt.com/torrent_details/29513212/project+64?tab=summary).

Going back to Zelda, it was the best original story that ever emerged from culture in my formative years, the first time a video game ever could claim that mantle. To this day in the emulator I'm stuck in the Water Temple; I won't look it up online. One day I feel nostalgic enough I'll find my way through, and feel like a kid all over again, little more than seven years and a worse world from when I first beat that same temple.

That being said, the other great games deserve their separate mention: Goldeneye the game at the time was better than anything else. It was nearly a better story than the movie itself; Bond was a colder, less calculated and therefore more honest character in our hands than the movie's hands. The honesty of the game was that you had a gun and it was your mission, around the globe to shoot the bad guys. In the mean time, the game was three-dimensional, the graphics were the best at the time, the threats were viable, the missions all distinct labyrinths, the soundtrack obviously thrilling and the gear, not just the weapons but the watch, the big board, the camera, the access keys, all amounted to a thrilling shooter that was never bloated or overdone.

The distinct opposite of this was, happily, Super Mario 64. There just wasn't a more fun game than this, collecting stars any which way Mario could. The third dimension did for video games what fire did for meals; in the end there was no going back.

Runners-up: Oh, there are a couple, Mario Cart, San Francisco Rush, Diddy-Kong Racing were all great racing games, along with Star Fox 64 (I played that as much as the top three), Super Smash Bros., Star Wars Rogue Squadron, the first level of Shadows of the Empire was great, too, Perfect Dark was Goldeneye's smarter sister, Wave Race, Donkey Kong 64 was a great follow-up to Mario 64, WCW/NWO was fun when we all snuck alcohol, 1080 Snowboarding, and I'm leaving out many. Note: I never played Mario Tennis until freshman year at Emerson, but that was a fun time, too.

Playstation: I never owned this console and felt too old to play it when I went to friend's homes, but I remember a ridiculous amount of press for when Final Fantasy VII came out. Resident Evil 2 I remember playing and creeping myself out, otherwise I'm just not qualified for this thread.

XBox: Star Wars: Battlefront I & II
Not counting a PC which I only played Wing Commander II and Lemmings on as a little boy, XBox was my second console, and thus I began to read reviews of games and seek those better than others. My tastes for novels, difficult writings and foreign films were far greater than my tastes for video games, but whatever I played I wanted to discern between the good and the bad and keep every experience a lively one: enter Star Wars. Originally I wrote Halo: Combat Evolved in this section, but it’s not honest. The battlefront games, with the section-by-section onslaught between forces was far more entertaining to me, in that the battles might have been the same but the action never was. Taking on the mask of the Stormtrooper and losing forty men taking one corner of the Cloud City was something I couldn’t have enough fun doing. The second game exploded the world by offering the opportunity of flight, taking down Star Destroyers and X-Wings without a second glance. It made even the new Trilogy interesting to me. Two great games.

Runners-up: Halo I and II were brilliant, with dark, complex stories. Battles between Covenant, the Flood and you were always something amazing to behold. The Grand Theft Auto 3-pack is an indelible collection. Splinter Cell was a brilliant anti-shooter. The opposite, Medal of Honor: Frontline had a great representation of D-Day. Gun is a game no one’s heard of, and it was unbelievable, Grand Theft Auto as Western. Madden 04, 05, 06 were all classic. Naturally, MVP 2005 was the best baseball game ever, and better and faster on Xbox than PS2, along with downloadable rosters, making it the perfect game. Also, Mercenaries was terrific.

PS2: The battle is between Vice City and San Andreas. I suppose I have to go with the latter, because the world was just so damn big. I love taking a motorcycle into the country and forgetting about everything else. I never owned this console, but for a few summers I owned one living with roommates, and I can say definitively I’ve enjoyed it a lot. PS2 gets to claim GTA as its own until IV came out (and IV is better on 360 than PS3), so here’s the battleground. Madden 08 was the best Madden, encompassing the best of Madden past and streamlining the series into its simplest, most enjoyable run.

Runners-up: I’ve never played them, but I hear the Metal Gear Solid games are amazing. Guitar Hero is as famous as it is for a reason, it seems. Simpsons Hit and Run is nearly the Simpsons Grand Theft Auto that everyone is still waiting for, MVP 05 is definitely my most-played game on there, etc.

It is at this point that great or troubled as they are, video games took a distant back seat to my life, so I’m not quite up to the task of uncovering the greatest 360 or PS3 game. I don’t own a PS3, and have only played about two minutes’ worth of Madden and Marvel Alliance and saw only better graphics and bloated prices. For 360, which I own, I have I think five games, Grand Theft Auto IV, Halo 3, Call of Duty 3, and a Mercenaries-like game called Just Cause. Four games. One day, I’ll get Madden 09 I’m sure, along with this game Bioshock which I’ve heard great things about. The truth is that these big consoles rarely attempt anything that’s not bloody or anti-kitsch, and I feel that the games opposite of those are the ones I remember most fondly. I’ll probably get a Wii once I can work or swing a bat again, at which point I’ll have games that make me feel good, rather than leaving me cold and disgusted with myself. As great as Grand Theft Auto is, eventually I’m just channeling frustration into pumping Faux-York City full of grenade casings and crashed cabs and Bazooka shells. Where’s the love?

Humor (?) Article

Drinking Ice Water from a Mason Jar In the Sunny Morning

By Matt Shirley

Drinking ice water from a mason jar in the sunny morning is the newest sensation, and all the kids are just buzzing about it. Ice shares are through the roof, and Prego reported a net gain of ten thousand percent over the last fiscal year (which is similar to a calendar year except that the calendar is made of money), meaning that this new market trend might stick around for at least a quarter or two. Some politicians on either side of the aisle are now wondering if this isn’t a dangerous new staple of hipster accessorizing.

“Traditionally, I would expect the drinking of ice water from mason jars in the sunny morning to be a relic of depression-era scare tactics by third parties promoting fringe policies,” says Senator Lindsey Cherry Honeysuckle (D-Arkansas), “but as devoted husband, really, a devoted husband and father of six-er-one child, the fact that it’s become so popular with young people really puts my bag of ice cubes in a bucket.”

The process itself of drinking ice water from a mason jar in the sunny morning is a relatively simple procedure, consisting of taking a mason jar, filling it with ice (frozen water), turning on the tap and placing the jar underneath to catch the rushing water. Once the water is trapped, thermal equilibrium melds the temperatures between the ice and the water to make the water taste colder than it was from the tap.

The last step before the process is complete is going outside as to see the sun, so the sun can see you.

Doctors say the effect of the sun on the Mason jar is a simple illumination, but a powerful one. “In the cylindrical jar, two planes illuminate between the bottom of the glass and the water line,” Doctor Horatio Hornsucker (I-Nevada) said. “The light shimmers against the water, inducing a mind-altering state of which few really break from.”

“Uhh,” said James “McDice-Ski” Macaroon (X-Rhode Island), a sophomore at University of Oslo.

His fellow student, Jimmy “Punching Bag for a Fucking Face ‘Cause He’s a Little Bitch” Smith (å -Sweden) had these words: “It’s like drinking water in Technicolor. Whoa, I’m so liberal.”

Concerned parents are definitely not left from the equation. Many of whom are buying bottles of water and sticking them in refrigerators, in an effort to scare their children straight, including Betty Spew (&-California).

“I heard that gay Mexicans are puttin’ Peyote tabs and mint extract in Mason jars and selling them at discounted rates so the kids get addicted then have to apply for a frequency card to get on the Gay Mexicans’ mailing list in order to get stronger Peyote and more refined mint,” Betty spewed in a blur before taking a deep breath and blowing cigarillo smoke in her infant twins’ faces.

Some parents out of Texas (R-Texas) have gone as far as to join a local parish to form an anonymous group to deal with those addicted to this solution, forming the DIWMJSM-A led by Friar S. Roast ( :) -Friarland). “Socrates drank Hemlock from a Mason jar, which has inspired these children, our children, my children to wake every morning with the permanent reminder of suicide lingering upon their heads. Although there was a terrific picture on the cover of US Weekly of Val Kilmer drinking ice water from a Mason jar in a sunny morning. I think it was in Acapulco. He was shooting The Saint 2: Touchy, Feely, according to the magazine and…oh, wait, you know, I think it was Sidney Poiter. Just wait, I’ve got the copy somewhere around here. God, I beg of you to deliver this-oh, found it. Ah, it was Val Kilmer. And yep, Mason jar. Say what you will of his small talent and horrible acting choices, the guy can still set a trend.”